When My Self Talk Didn’t Reflect His Fruit

My postpartum season revealed something I didn’t expect.

Not just physical changes.

Not just exhaustion.

Not just the slow, sacred work of healing.

It revealed my self-talk.

And it wasn’t kind.

Somewhere along the way, I had quietly adopted a belief I didn’t even know I held: that the fruit of the Spirit only mattered when it was directed toward other people.

Be patient with others.

Be gentle with others.

Speak lovingly to others.

Extend grace to others.

But toward myself?

Different tone.

Different standard.

One day, mid-sentence, as I was criticizing my postpartum body, my husband gently interrupted me.

“That’s not the voice of God.”

It stopped me.

Because he was right.

The way I was speaking about my body — the body that had just carried and delivered our child — was not loving. It wasn’t gentle. It wasn’t patient. It certainly wasn’t reflective of the Spirit of God.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…”

— Galatians 5:22–23

If the Spirit lives in me, then His fruit should show up in how I speak.

Even — especially — to myself.

Fruit Is Not Just for Other People

Postpartum healing is slow.

Your body doesn’t “bounce back.”

It rebuilds.

It recalibrates.

It recovers.

And instead of offering patience, I was offering pressure.

Instead of gentleness, I offered critique.

Instead of peace, I entertained comparison.

That realization was humbling.

Because fruit isn’t performance for public settings.

It’s evidence of formation.

And if I could speak kindly to strangers but harshly to myself, something was misaligned.

I Didn’t Need Affirmations — I Needed His Word

I didn’t build an affirmation wall.

I didn’t tape love notes to my mirror.

Instead, I started saying what God said about me.

Before workouts.

After workouts.

While getting dressed.

While trying on new clothes.

While looking at a body that felt unfamiliar.

I replaced commentary with Scripture.

Not because discipline doesn’t matter.

But because fruit comes before fitness.

Before I adjust calories or routines, I adjust my speech.

“Let everything you say be good and helpful…”

— Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)

“I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

— Psalm 139:14

“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

— Romans 8:1

I gave myself grace.

Not permission to neglect my health — but permission to heal without shame.

I honored my body with His Word.

Loving Your Body Through the Fruit First

This doesn’t negate health.

It doesn’t dismiss wellness.

It doesn’t oppose discipline.

It simply applies the fruit first.

Love before critique.

Patience before progress.

Gentleness before goals.

Peace before pressure.

God does not love you more at a smaller size.

He does not withhold affection until you “get back.” He is not waiting for you to earn tenderness.

And if He speaks to you with mercy, why would you speak to yourself with contempt?

Scripture-Based Phrases for Healing Seasons

Here are a few truth-filled declarations rooted in Scripture that you can speak during healing, transition, and rebuilding:

• “My body is fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14)

• “God is patient with me, so I will be patient with myself.” (2 Peter 3:9)

• “There is no condemnation over my body.” (Romans 8:1)

• “I will speak life, not criticism.” (Proverbs 18:21)

• “His grace is sufficient for me in this season.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

• “The Spirit within me produces gentleness.” (Galatians 5:22–23)

While you are healing.

While you are transitioning.

While you are coming to terms with change.

Apply the fruit first.

Because transformation that begins with shame never lasts.

But transformation rooted in truth?

That bears good fruit.

with love and grace,

Kay